cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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