I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
