Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
