Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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