Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
