I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
BRING THE BAGELS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
