I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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