First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
