my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize