Banned from zoo.
Again?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
