Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
