Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
