In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
