I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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