It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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