I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
