North Korea, Best Korea!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
