You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
