Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
