Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
