i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize