We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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