Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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