I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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