I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
