Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize