look no pants
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
