Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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