there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
