I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
