Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
