i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
