i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
