actually, I'm a sock model
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......