Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.