I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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