if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.