I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
