Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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