Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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