i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
