on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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