So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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