Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
