Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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