Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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