What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
