I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
