is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
