Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
