I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
