I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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