dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
