I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
