kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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