McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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