Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
