So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
