is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
