windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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