You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize