hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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