I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
