New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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