Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
