I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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