if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
