my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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