My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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