omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
