You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
