I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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