I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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