what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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