i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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