haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
