Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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