my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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